Tinder For Oldies
Paul Ewart has a warning for all the Tinder users out there.Source:Supplied
GRAPHIC images, one word replies, constant rejection and extreme indifference and flakiness. I’m living in what feels like dating Armageddon.
And unfortunately for you, my dating reality could soon become your dating future — and it’s far from pretty.
We’ve all read and — for the singles reading this — have likely had firsthand experience of modern day hook-up, I mean ‘dating’, culture. Long gone are the Hollywood-esque romances, extended candlelit dinners and gentle wooing.
Instead, it’s anonymous sex, ghosting, bad behaviour and dick pics.
Ever-increasing sordid accounts from Tinder are making headlines the world over and if you think it’s bad now, well, I’m predicting it’s going to get a hell of a lot worse.
You see, as a gay man I’ve got a good 3-4 years of dating app experience on you straights (the prolific gay dating app, Grindr, was launched back in 2009, versus Tinder in 2012). And if the evolution of Grindr that I’ve seen is anything to go by, then brace yourselves for extremely bad behaviour, a lack of humanity and blatant objectification.
- TinderforSeniors.com is designed as easy as Tinder but especially for seniors. Tinder for Seniors - Senior Dating App for Singles Over 60 Over 60 and still looking? Congratulations, you are right here at the best older dating site for active singles over the age of sixty to find a perfect match.
- However, the younger generation vastly outnumbers the older generation on Tinder, so you may find it difficult to meet age-appropriate dates here. According to Tinder’s membership stats, over 50% of its active users are between 18 and 25 years old, and over 80% are under 35. That does leave many date prospects left for singles in their 40s.
I’ll talk you through my own light bulb moment. I split up from my partner last year.
Back in Grindr land after an absence of three years, I noticed that things had become even more base, more graphic and much more hostile.
Profile headlines and descriptions were hyper-sexual or all-out prejudiced: “No pecs = no sex”, “Blow me now!”, “No Asians”, “No fems”, “No fatties” and “No oldies”.
It was like the sum of my parts was reduced to a few ticked boxes about my physical attributes and sexual preferences.
Paul Ewart has learnt the hard way that it doesn’t matter how well travelled you are when it comes to dating apps.Source:Supplied
Screw my education, the amount of travel I’ve done, the books I’ve read, how nice I am, or my ability to tell a funny story. Nope, unless I have abs of steel and am willing to shag within 30 minutes of chatting, then forget about it.
Apr 24, 2020 However, the younger generation vastly outnumbers the older generation on Tinder, so you may find it difficult to meet age-appropriate dates here. According to Tinder’s membership stats, over 50% of its active users are between 18 and 25 years old, and over 80% are under 35. That does leave many date prospects left for singles in their 40s. Jun 03, 2020 Tinder got a lot of flack for its age discrimination policies, so that has been relaxed over time; however, its following is still almost exclusively made up of singles in their 20s and 30s. A senior person on Tinder will have to compete with men and women who are decades younger, and that can be a tall order. TinderforSeniors.com is designed as easy as Tinder but especially for seniors. Tinder for Seniors - Senior Dating App for Singles Over 60 Over 60 and still looking? Congratulations, you are right here at the best older dating site for active singles over the age of sixty to find a perfect match.
Now, I know I’ll get flack from some gay men for this story. They’ll say that Grindr and the like are hook-up platforms, so I shouldn’t be complaining.
Yes, I know this. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of fun — and I’m far from saintly — but what comes after hooking-up? Or is that it? And, when it comes to gay dating in the virtual world, where else do you go?
The dates I do go on are, by and large, not great. I’ve been stood up twice, conversation is often one-sided and there’s a lacklustre amount of effort.
I theorise that it’s like a twisted Pavlov’s dogs scenario. Exposed to this bad behaviour again and again, it’s only a matter of time before users start to normalise it and start to dish it out themselves in a vicious cycle.
Despite an increasing feeling of disappointment, I’d use the app compulsively, clocking up hours of mindless scrolling.
I started to identify that I was feeling anxious and lonely at the same time. “Why didn’t he reply?” “What’s wrong with me?” I’d ask myself. I knew it was time to stop, so I did. Going cold turkey, I pressed delete, but then had to ask myself: What next?
IS TINDER THE NEW GRINDR?
Karina Pamamull, a dating consultant and founder of Datelicious.com.au, believes that the precedent set by Grindr is being adopted in the heterosexual world.
“Straight dating has started to mimic dating in the gay community,” she says.
“We have moved to a culture of ‘hook ups’. Forget the date, say what you want and within a few hours you could be having sex.”
The parallels between these two dating app big guns (Grindr and Tinder) are starting to look uncanny. And given the increasing reputation of Tinder as a hook-up app, straight users could soon experience the downsides of sex-focused dating.
“Seeing a greater uptake of apps in the straight world that satisfy users based on solely on sex or their specific sexual preferences could lead to some of the pitfalls that many users of gay hook-up apps report,” says Dan Auerbach, relationship counsellor & psychotherapist at Associated Counsellors & Psychologist Sydney.
“Long term users of gay dating apps who engage in instant hook-ups based solely on proximity and a snapshot image can, over time, experience severe burnout.
Tinder For Oldies Radio
“It can lead to a vicious cycle of loneliness and dissatisfaction.”
LONG TERM DAMAGE
A recent study, presented at the American Psychological Association, suggested that dating apps (specifically Tinder) can reduce self-esteem and creating a negative perception of body image. Interestingly, the results showed that men were just as affected by women, if not more.
While this study was Tinder-specific, the disturbing impact of its long-term use is similar to what Dan has already seen in the gay world.
“Humans are wired for intimate connection, not just sex or pleasure,” explains Dan. “For wellbeing, we need others who we can rely on to offer us emotional connection, emotional safety and support.
“People are marketed the fantasy of quickly finding a relationship. After significant effort if that’s not delivered, they may feel that there is no one out there for them, or that they themselves are not attractive to others.”
BUT IT’S NOT ALL DOOM AND GLOOM
While there’s no obvious solution, particularly with the addictive nature of these apps, the experts I chatted with believe there’s still hope.
“People will always having a longing for the human element,” says Karina. “Though dating apps are now the norm, for singles that seek real love, I would like to think that they continue to push themselves to step outside and join social groups and encourage friends and family to set them up.”
Whereas Karina sees the solution in diversifying with non app-based activities, Dan thinks that the onus is on the app creators themselves.
“To overcome these greater numbers of lonely people struggling to find a connection, the online dating market will need to incorporate more features of real life engagement,” he says.
“Trends in dating apps to connect profiles to other social media platforms like LinkedIn or Facebook are a start, but eventually app developers may find that those looking for love need a more immersive experience of the other person.”
As for me, I’m up for staging a rebellion before it’s too late, or at least going back to basics to some degree.
Though they are (almost) irresistible, I’d encourage anyone feeling frustrated with whatever dating app they’re on — gay or straight — to ditch ‘em for a month or two.
If that’s too hard, then at least try to adjust your behaviour online to match your behaviour offline.
If you’re a caring, decent soul in person, then make sure your app self isn’t morally bankrupt.
Think before you swipe, skip the exhausting game playing and drop the indifferent attitude. Meeting a fellow human being should be exciting — just like you, they have a sack full of beautiful experiences and life stories to tell.
Finally, get out. Talk to the guy or gal next to you at yoga practice, in the gym, or at the bar. Pay strangers compliments, regardless of their age, their sex or whether you find them attractive. And smile! As tawdry as it sounds, it really is infectious.
Be kind and you’ll feel it back in return. I promise.
Matt's top 5 Tinder tips
Almost everything sucks as you get older. Your metabolism slows down. You have three craft beers and the next morning you’re drafting up your will. You struggle to accept that the hopes and dreams you harbored growing up were too idealistic and take a job at Coldstone Creamery while you “figure things out.” Dealing with all this shit by oneself is as daunting as being the only one at the customer service tent at Fyre Festival (topical reference, good work, self!)
Tinder could give a shit about old people dying alone, indicative of their increased rates for people aged 30 and older.
The hookup app has reportedly reached a $17.3 million settlement with 230,000 California-based users aged 30+ who claim that the service charged them double what they charge the younger bucks.
Via New York Post:
The class action lawsuit, led by plaintiff Lisa Kim, arose after Kim realized in 2015 that she was paying $19.99 for Tinder Plus, which provides users with advanced features such as unlimited “likes” and a passport feature to swipe anywhere in the world. Users aged 29 and younger were paying only $9.99 per month.
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Tinder defended its decision to charge older users more by saying that they have more money to burn.
“During our testing we’ve learned that younger users are just as excited about Tinder Plus but are more budget constrained and need a lower price to pull the trigger,” Tinder said in 2015.
The settlement ordered Tinder to shell out 50 in-app “Super Likes” (worth $11.5 million), with the option to claim another 25, to the 230,000 oldies.
These “Super Likes” can’t be underestimated. I “Super Liked” my girlfriend while I was taking a dump, and she has since admitted that if she had not been endeared by me burning one of my three daily Super Likes on her, she would have swiped left. I would later learn that she too was taking a poop. I had previously believed that girls don’t poop. See, everything does suck as you get older.
P.S. I’m not saying BroBible deserves a piece of that settlement, but it’s impossible to downplay the role we had into thrusting this injustice into the mainstream. Check out our West Hollywood protest.
“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”
@BroBible@Tinder@TindrProbs ageism IS a problem, Tinder! #over30livesmatterpic.twitter.com/uCnMiLPChF
— Jeff Girten 😜 (@GirtenJeff) July 7, 2015
Tinder For Oldies Youtube
[h/t New York Post]